Saturday, December 31, 2005

Yet another Holiday

One day, for the sake of my son, I will be better at holidays. Right now I just wish that they would all go away. I don't think that I can take another one right now... And the next - Valentine's day... That will be a diaster as well. My DH will be working that night too, I am sure. The one after that... Our anniversary - I am sure that will be a laughable affair. You see I don't really think that the problem is me. I think the problem lies in the fact that my DH doesn't really care. He doesn't see me right now. I think he did at one time, or he tried to. Lately it doesn't seem to me like he really knows me at all. (Example: One night a month or so ago I went to the bar where he works with a friend of his - When my DH asked what I would like to drink, I told him to surprise me. After all he is a bartender, and he should know what the woman he is married to would not find absolutely repulsive... And he gives me a drink that contains the one thing that I hate. Juniper Berries = Gin.... YUCK!!!!!) You might read that and think it is no big deal. To me it was and is a big deal, and in the end isn't that all that matters?
When I am sad I don't want to knit. I don't want to do anything, and I think that in the past few days I have somehow gotten worse and better at mommiedom. I don't know how to explain that. I love my son more than anything in this world, and all I want to do is make him happy. I want to be a great and wonderful momma to him. He is the best thing that I have ever done in my life. Somedays I think that he is the only good that has come of me. Other than him, there is nothing notable about my life. Isn't that sad.... I am doing the thing that no parent should ever do - make their child don their own hopes and dreams. How can anyone ever hope to live up to that. Instead, I just want him to be happy, healthy, and wise.

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Holidays are always blue to me

I know that I am supposed to be feeling all Christmas-y, and I honestly tried. I just don't feel it. All I do feel is blah... I am glad that my son is so young, and I hope that in the years to come we can get better at this whole Christmas thing. My DH has to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and I feel like my heart is going to break. I am going to be alone again on Christmas. My little and I will have nothing special. We will have just another day without daddy. My DH and I have never spent a holiday together - including birthdays. Something always comes up - whether it is him working, or wanting to spend time with someone else - there is always something that keeps us apart.
I am lonely because he is not with me. Nothing else matters as much when he isn't here. I feel so alone in the world today. Can't I just pretend that there is no holiday this weekend.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I GOT MY WISH!!!!! IT SNOWED!!!! (It is all melted now, but that is beside the point.) I woke up yesterday morning to about 3 inches of fluffy white goodness. It was spectacular. I shoveled. I scraped, I trudged, and I loved every minute of it! Then my little woke up, and I got to show him the snow… He calls it woah… He smiled and shivered when he touched it. The whole morning was priceless.

So, I have started my first cable project, the Irish Hiking Wrist warmers…. I really don’t know if I am actually doing this correctly. I hope that I am because I would really hate to have two messed up projects in a row. (the other one being the braided neckpiece – more on that later)

I also started my DH’s Ravenclaw scarf. I made it 10 stitches bigger than the pattern called for because at first I thought that it would be neat to know how many stitches I had done without having to really think about it… So, I cast on 100 stitches… now every row I know how many stitches I am at… I don’t like it at all. I think that it is sooooo boring. This is why I started on the cables. I thought that I was going to go out of my mind… Straight knitting is so very mind numbing. Last night I really needed something new, and cables definitely fit that bill.

Did I mention that I have to rip out half of the 2nd half of the braided neckpiece? The straps were much too long, and I know that I followed that pattern to the letter. I think the alpaca yarn that I used stretched way too much. I think that I am going to have to take out about 10 rows of the braids, but I am putting on hold for a bit because I am so disappointed. See th pic!!!

Yesterday we went to a near by town to do some Christmas shopping. (We just put the tree up two nights ago, and my little has not left it alone since- it is a good thing that we decided to not put any of the glass ornaments on the tree this year. We just bought some cheap plastic ones that are still fairly purty.)

Since I know how to do pics, I am going to show you the great stuff that I got from my secret pal!!! I still don't know who it was, but they were wonderful!!! Thanks again.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

What is wrong with the weather?

I am so confused... I live in Colorado, on a mountain, very near a ski resort... Where is all my snow? How am I supposed to feel Christmas-y when I have not seen a single flake of white stuff? How can I teach my little to build a snowman, or make a snow angel? I want, no need to have snow soon. I think I have reached my limit, December 10th without snow was too long!!! Now I am just cranky when I wake up and look out the bedroom window to see no beautiful white blanket covering all the dead brown crap left over from a perfectly lovely fall.... What is a girl to do? I think it might be time for a snow dance.
The loop d loop scarf just needs a couple more rows - blocking - weaving in the ends... I hope that I can get all that done tonight because I really want to wear this tomorrow... I don't know why, I am sure that by 10 am it won't even feel like winter at all. I am so disgruntled....
We have not even put up any decorrations yet- including the tree. What is wrong with us? We should at least do it for the little. Speaking of - he is getting into something. I better go see what is going on - or what he is destroying. (Did I mention that since he could crawl our secret nickname for him has been "Ronin the Destroyer?" Say it a couple of times... It really is funny.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Loop d loop scarf - the woes continue

Posted by Picasa I have finally figured out how to put pictures on here. I know this isn't a very good photo, but you try to take a pic when you havve a little running around. It really is very hard!!! I am sort of stuck here. I don't know what to do next. Should I cut the yarn and rejoin for the next strap, or try to use it from where it is?